Backlash Mother! An Interview with Artist and Poet Vanessa Hiller

I am a painter, illustrator, and poet. My paintings are often based on a response to a personal need to transform myself and others. For instance, I did a lot of self-reflecting when the Black Lives Matter movement hit the headlines and as a dual heritage woman it really made me question my identity. For me, personally, I felt every emotion that I had endured from childhood up until now and for my artwork I felt that was an important development. My work started to put the female back into the literal pictures that I was creating. I would say that my paintings were an important part of my personal growth and I hope that my paintings support others in bringing about a feeling of joy. I incorporate a mixture of abstract and figurative in my paintings and I use bright colours that often come from a feeling I encounter when coming out of a meditation session. A recent development for me is the introduction of the poetry writing that I have been doing which really does excite me.

Where do you work? What does your space look like?

To be honest, I mainly work in my bedroom. I spread my sketchbooks, paints, canvases across the floor and the bed and I get to work. My dream would be to have my own studio, hopefully someday, although I really don’t mind working this way.
 
Apart from time, what do you need consistently throughout the week in order to be creative?

I would say looking after my mental health, I work full time in a primary school teacher and it would be easy to slip into taking my work home with me. Meditating really helps me clear where my blocks are and release some of feeling of being overloaded.

Is there a creative routine that you swear by?

I do my journaling before I go to sleep and I record words that I hear during the day. It can be one word or an image that sparks an idea so I try to capture it as quickly as I can.

Do you have a mantra?

The best mantra that I have and the one that works for me is: ‘Time waits for no man’.  If I waited for an inspiration every time I got a spare moment, then I would produce far less work.

Imagine you have two hours to yourself. The house is a mess and there are fifty emails to answer, errands to run etc… Are you able to focus and how?

Life can get pretty hectic, if I start to get really frazzled but really need to spend time on my art, I do breath work to try to calm myself down, and I am also a great believer in writing down lists, so I make a quick decision on how long I’m willing to give each activity.

Can you tell us one surprising aspect of your work that changed after you had children?

It feels that my work has grown with my children and I feel like because of them I probably place more of the human element in there. You go through so many emotions when raising children, the exhaustion is real and the tears come from you and them. 

Do your children participate in your art and what form does it take? Physical action/ inspiration/ the subject of your art.

My children are a huge source of inspiration for me, the emotions that children go through are often very raw and this inspires me and can potentially add to the healing of others. I truly believe that my work has become more authentic because of them.

Do you have a support structure to help you with your work and children?

My husband is someone I can lean into when I need help with household chores and looking after the children. I also have friends who are my main cheerleaders and are a source of comfort on days when I question my own abilities. I also have wonderful in-laws who often tell me that they are proud of me.

How do your children articulate what you do and what do they think of your work/art?

My children tell me how my work makes them feel, whether that be sad or happy and often weave their own narrative around it. They tell me that they love seeing me paint.

Is there a little voice inside your head that endeavours to knock your confidence as an artist and a mother? How do you silence it?

I often have doubts about stepping outside my comfort zone and there are definitely times when I have questioned how well I am combining my artwork with motherhood. Then I try to find the other voice that tells me if not me, then who? And I don’t want my children to say the same about themselves, so I remind myself that I only have the present and tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Explain a situation related to your work, where you’ve had to combat misogyny. Did your work change from this experience?

I think that sometimes because I am a mother my work is seen as a nice little hobby, something that stops me concentrating on my domestic duties and I have felt that struggle, the wish to make my husband happy by sticking to the wife and mother role. I do remember one incident at art college where a tutor told me that my work was perhaps too pretty, the conversation leading onto it being fairly girly.  I suppose that since then I have looked for the substance in my work.

Name one self-imposed distraction that leads to procrastination and tell us how you handle it?

Netflix, lol. Especially during this current lockdown, I have to make a real conscious effort to remind myself of the satisfaction I will feel when a spark of an idea materialises.

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

The best advice that I’ve been given is: ‘Be willing to be uncomfortable’.

At what stage did you begin to take your work seriously?

I would say when I became a single parent with 3 children for the second time. I realised that this had to be the time when I picked myself up off the floor and took my art seriously.

How could your community help you grow as an artist?

I honestly believe that it is incredibly hard to work in isolation whilst trying to raise children. I gain so much inspiration from watching and listening to other artists, writers, etc. Sometimes it’s hard to find people to share your frustrations and ideas with.

Thank you Vanessa! Sending you a big http://@BacklashPress shout out and all the best for the future. Be well and keep creating. x

To purchase or exhibit Vanessa’s artwork please DM her @v.hiller

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